Stoutonia

Issue date: 11/5/09 Section: News

Citations Issued
Oct. 19 through Nov. 1

Underage Drinking
• 1st - 8
• 2nd - 2
Disorderly Conduct - 1
Possession of Drug Paraphernalia - 3
- 1 (State charge)
Possession of Marijuana - 3
- 1 (State charge)
Posession of Stimulant Drug - 1
OWI - 1
Criminal Damage to Property - 1
Failure to Stop at Stop Sign - 1
Expired Registration - 1

Spit and Run

Oct. 19
A male spit on the back windshield of a female's car after she beat him to a parking spot. The male was given a stern talking-to and is the current favorite on the upcoming season of "I Love New York 3."

Slim Pickin's

Oct. 23
A female reported that someone had stolen the gas door cover from her car. Even thieves have to start small and work their way up the thieving ladder.

Smoothest Criminal

Oct. 26
A large screen television was found lying on the floor under its normal location on the wall on the second floor of Milennium Hall. The television's alarm device was emitting a loud piercing sound, leading police to believe someone was trying to steal the TV. A table was found under the original location of the television with smeared footprints on it. It appeared to be too heavy for the would-be thief as it was dropped on the edge of the table, which broke the screen. The theif's plan was nearly perfect. Some more time in the weight room might have made this attempted robbery successful.

Motorcycle-drive-by

Oct. 26
A motorcycle parking sign had been removed from Lot 32 near Red Cedar Hall. Harley-Davidson enthusiasts need wall decorations, too.

Balloon Wars

Oct. 28
A water balloon smashed a window in Froggatt Hall. This was the second time in one week that the same window had been broken due to a water balloon. Police suspect a slingshot made of surgical tubing was used to launch the balloons from Curran-Kranzusch-Tustison-Oetting to Antrim-Froggatt-McCalmont. Balloon terrorism is at an all-time high on this campus. Another thing: water balloons used in below-freezing temperatures have rarely resulted in anything good.

Slow ride, Take it easy

Oct. 28
A male was seen pushing his moped into Harvey Hall. He said it was a visual aid for a speech, but we all know that he just wanted to joyride through Harvey Hall.

Clark W. Griswold

Nov. 2.
The right-front wheel of a car was stolen while it was parked in Lot 4. The thieves jacked the car up and removed the tire, leaving some of the lug nuts behind. I thought this type of thing only happened when you and your family stop at an inner-city intersection late at night while asking for directions to Walley World.

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